I am sick. I have a mental illness. I am unstable.Tuesday, May 6, 2025

I am sick. I have a mental illness. I am unstable.

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

6:00 PM

This means I do need to be gentle with myself.

This means I need care.

This means I need to take care.

This means I need to pace myself without pushing myself too hard that I get burned out.

 

I have mowed the backyard and around Happy's house with the small lawn mower.

Dad was saying why don't you and I was saying nah

Then I just did it.

 

The patch of lawn that I had to mow wasn't too big

And it was rather overgrown.

So I just went on and mowed it.

 

It's these small actions that show that I did change some.

 

Dad is putting by me the fact that doing voices are not good every chance he gets.

And I refute him in pure insisting done playfully.

 

I walked slowly around the wall when doing rounds clearing the chickens in front of me.

I try to practice the slow steps in getting a piece of work done.

I try to feel the sense of taking steps to get the work done.

I want it to relay onto my daily life and studying so I note more carefully and deliberately the process that I take.

 

Today I read and transcribed the first two verses of Genesis.

I took care to read carefully and read the words aloud.

I would do more readings.

 

Also today we filled the cool pads - the cooling system of the chicken houses- with water and checked to see if the motor was in order.

 

 

 

I wrote I wouldn't be doing heart or mind studying writing but here I am again doing the very writing.

I get hasty without much having substances or being prepared half enough.

I just want to get on with things maybe.

But I slow myself down.

I am teaching myself to face what I have so far in what I am trying to do.

I tell myself that I need to get ready and that takes time.