It's the Lord.

I come in the morning and sit up and get out of bed.

I am afraid.

I am afraid that my life is at its end.

I am afraid that everything is just a mirage and I will fail everything miserably.

 

I sit and take up the bible and open to a psalm and read.

And so as David cried out to the Lord in his peril,

so I pray a silent prayer.

 

and I sit at my desk to take up English once more.

 

I refused something that Leo wanted last night.

I wonder if he will be back with me in the morning.

I feel my brain is burnt when I am studying

I wonder if I will be able to study and achieve what i have set out to accomplish.

despite the nagging negativity from mom and dad.

and my situation.

 

I look up

and surrounds me in actual things are what the Lord has prepared for me in love throughout time.

The room is clean.

there is the painting 씨름 by 김홍도 printed on the dish to encourage right on my desk

there is the small desk heater to warm myself in the morning and evening cold

and there stands the stool that God wanted me to get

a type of chair I had long always wanted

and God wanted to have there before I set to study myself and the books of English.

 

and God still tells me He loves me.

 

주여, 제가 둘러보니, 주의 사랑을 알겠나이다.

정유진.