Dear God,Saturday, June 26, 20213:23 PM

Dear God,

Saturday, June 26, 2021

3:23 PM

I have been a pain in the ass for you, God.

I strove to be out various times though at times I thoroughly enjoyed doing the voices.

I doubted this all the while or I didn't believe quite 90% that this could be really you.

But you have made me happy all the while despite the difficulties and doubts and panic attacks that I faced in doing the voices.

 

Lord God,

I thank you.

I thank you for giving me life.

 

Sincerely I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

 

God,

Will I be really marrying Leo DiCaprio from Romeo and Juliet and Titanic and Blood Diamond?

That used to be a killing handsome guy?

I first saw him in Basketball Diaries on TV and I remember liking him.

What do you do if you are a wife of a rich man?

Not that the money is mine.

Well, I will mind my own business since I will be earning my own money.

 

God, you for real acknowledge people for what they do, I see, Lord.

Even when they don't know it.

 

He has become such a man I felt from his pictures.

 

Do you think I will be able to match him up, Lord?

He doesn't seem to care about his figure too much so I will forget about my own.

 

What do I do, God?

 

 

Is doing something truly for others that important, Lord?

 

 

Sincerely praying in Jesus' name, amen.

 

 

God,

 

What does he like?

 

This is definitely an arranged marriage going against the very epitome? Of American romance capitalism?

How come you are a 뚜쟁이, God?

 

What kind of woman does he like?

A woman he can spend his life with?

Someone he can talk with?

Just a killing body and face?

Someone he can make love to in a movie?

 

What kind of woman will he like?

I trust that you are exact, God, so probably he will like who I am supposed to be in your eyes.

 

I will possess him whole so other men won't be shaded by him to their woman.

 

What if I like him more than you, God?

Wouldn't you be enraged and tell me that I am a prostitute?

Or will you be telling me so when I hug dad or Matt or Pastor Charles.

 

I have to seriously think of myself as a woman, Lord?

 

Is bodily interaction a mandated work in a marriage relationship?

Or is it something you dream of and pleasure yourselves in?

 

What is marriage and what is a relationship?

 

Why are you pushing me towards him?

 

Why are you entrusting him in my care?

 

Is this a punishment or a reward?

Or is it neither?

Just one factual aspect of your Creation that we have to live upto?

 

Why did you give him so much money and fame?

What did he do?

 

How does he love you, God?

In what way?

 

He definitely seems attracted by the women race.

Or is it that he is attractive to the women race.

Maybe it is both.

Yet he definitely keeps his cool.

Even when Charlie Rose disregards him downright in Martin Scorcese's face.

Does he respect man more than Matt Damon?

He has respect for his manhood I think very definitely.

What does he think himself as a man in regards to women?

What do I have to wrench him from before his sweet tooth gets all crumbling.

 

Would his image to be detached from women?

 

Okay, he says he just knows how to look like he is keeping his cool.

Would he like to be refrigerated?

Not in the freezer though.

Is it his heart that he needs refrigerated or his cool?

 

What kind of healing does he need?

Maybe if another woman suits him more, I will just give way.

I think God will allow me to support myself without dad or Matt Damon.

If I am not his type, then maybe I will help him look for her.

He probably deserves to get someone he likes.

He has been searching badly enough for her.

 

I think we should perhaps put off marriage until he and I are absolutely certain.

If it happens after, then I suppose divorce is necessary.

 

I am not capable of becoming an asset to any man for now.

 

How do I wean him off from other women if I am the one and how do I wean off other women from him if I am the one?

 

I wonder if I can give him the respect that he probably deserves since he is giving so much of it to others including women I think.

How does the respect…. Do I know how to respect a man? Probably not.

 

I don't think Matt knows men respect.

You Gin.

 

Shush, You Gin.

You manifest your beauty in front of men and women to the extent of driving them nuts.

Not ideal.

I would you shut up and just be that way.

That  won't help either.

I want to keep your head covered and not exposed the way you always do.

You damn be naked every other moment.

I am supposed to be your man and I want to do my part.

Leo.

 

I think God may want it exposed so that other men and women can work on it, too.

You Gin.

 

Leo,

Why do you love me?

You Gin.

 

I just care.

And you make it real easy too.

Leo.

 

I will tell you why I love you when I do and realize why.

You Gin.

 

I have my confidence as a woman yet vaguely or in abstract. I wonder when it will be all gone.

You Gin.

 

God,

Do you think I will ever be able to understand heartbroken?

You Gin.

 

That is a lie and truth as well but in a different way.

Leo.

 

What do you think is your real beauty?

You Gin.

 

Inside. Leo.

 

I have never actually thought of men being a beauty inside.

You were so beautiful outside.

I think I will ask that question to men from now on.

Do you think you are beautiful inside.

You Gin.

 

I think I am very beautiful inside. Leo.

 

More beautiful than me?

You Gin.

 

That is a very misleading comment. No. Leo.

 

Because you are too beautiful to think so?

You Gin.

 

No. Leo.

 

Do you think I will fall for the beauty you possess inside

You Gin.

 

I have no clue.

Leo.

 

So you are beautiful inside?

Are you still beautiful inside?

You Gin.

 

Very much so. Leo.

 

Do you make yourself beautiful or….. Where do you think your beauty lies?

You Gin.

 

I don't know. I don't make myself beautiful. Leo.

 

Why are you a woman's dream?

You Gin.

 

Because I am beautiful and there can be no other reason but that. Leo.

 

How does Ms. Camille Morrone mess you up?

You Gin.

 

Is that too impolite? Then just please disregard the question….

You Gin.

I am sorry. You Gin.

 

No. but she is too young to understand anything that I am going through.

I hate it.

Leo.

 

What if she reads it.

You Gin.

 

What if she reads your question? Same here.

Leo.

 

Understood.

I will think about whether I am attracted to men's inner beauty or their wickedness.

You gin.

 

How beautiful can a man be?

You Gin.

 

Do you think God made men sharp or dumb?

You Gin.

 

Let's say I share in some of that dumbness myself.

Leo.

 

What can you do that God can't do?

You Gin.

 

I can be a human and love another human for who they are. God can only love a human as a God.

Leo.

 

Do you keep a simple philosophy?

You Gin.

 

Why do you ask?

Leo.

 

Did you condense or loose it?

I think condensed but yeah, condensed, right?

You Gin.

 

Yeah, condensed.

Leo. But I mean to simplify it. Leo.

 

Do you think God or other men or women will buy your philosophy?

You Gin.

 

I think God will. Leo.

 

Do you live out your lies?

You Gin.

 

I refuse to answer.

Leo.

 

Let me ask you some questions since you are so keen on them.

Why do you never love a man that you don't care for.

But do everything for everyone without their approval.

Leo.

 

I haven't realize that yet.

I don't want to give myself just to anybody or I just can't help it.

God seems to like it.

You Gin.

 

Let me tell you why, you don't fall in love. You make others love you then you just, no, you don't make others love you. This is the first time you done it. Without your intention.

Never mind. Leo.

 

When do you think I will mind you?

You Gin.

 

You mean, dislike or listen?

Leo.

 

I mean dislike. You Gin.

 

Women. Leo.

 

How am I different?

You Gin.

 

You don't share a common fallacy that most women believe and act on to the core and that frees me to be my own self.

Leo.

 

So it is a freedom issue?

You Gin.

 

Yes. Leo.

 

I hope one day I will really feel like possessing you whole if I am the one.

You Gin.

 

That is what I damn mean to work on. Leo.

 

A man needs be possessed, too?

You Gin.

 

Yes. Or he can't function. Leo.

 

Do you think I can possess your beauty in its entirety?

You Gin.

 

No but you can manage it. Whole.

Leo.

 

So it is the fact that I can work with you beauty in its entirety for the good of all including you and me and God?

You Gin.

 

Well, something like that.

Leo.

 

Possess to share but share in the right way?

You Gin.

 

I guess so.

Leo but not wholly sure. Leo.

 

So the question for me would be do I love and care for your beauty enough?

You Gin.

 

I am a sensitive man and not many woman can deal me as I want them to.

Leo.

 

I shall see for myself.
You Gin.

 

Must I know all of it? Your beauty?

You Gin.

 

Yes. Absolutely.

Leo.

 

Vous etex beau?

You Gin.

 

Oui and belle. Leo.

 

Every man's beauty is different. What do you think makes yours top all the rest?

You Gin.

 

I think more. Because I am concerned most with beauty let's say.

Leo.

 

Do you like ice cream? Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, a mix?

You Gin.

 

Vanilla. Leo.

 

Okay. I am getting you a vanilla frozen yogurt only.

You Gin.

 

Shuch, You gin. Shuch.

Leo.

 

Take me to heaven, Leo.

You Gin.

 

I am not a god. Leo.

 

Okay. then let's get to heaven, Leo.

You Gin.

 

I thought you meant to go to hell.

Leo.

 

Go to hell not be in hell. I don't know which would be more painful. I guess definitely I hope being in it???

You Gin.

 

So it was your inner beauty that attracts women to you?

All the younger generations I find they make a point of watching your movies when ever a new one comes out.

Is that hope for this generation?

You Gin.

 

Is that a small compliment?

Leo.

 

^^. I guess so.

You Gin

 

 

 

 

I will get myself ready to make myself capable of loving your beauty right and proper.

You Gin Chung.

 

I would not appreciate any hints so thank you very much.

You Gin.

I think I mean it, Leo.

You Gin.

 

Take it hard?

Will do.

Don't and can't deny I like what I just read.

Will do.

Leo.

 

I will give it a try.

If God gives me the chance.

You Gin.